yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
