she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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