She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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