Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
