And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
