help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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