Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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