doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
