grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
