I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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