You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you had me at cake vodka
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
