You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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