Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
