i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
