I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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