textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize