My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
