ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This is the high leading the old right now
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
