put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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