Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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