Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
