i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
