That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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