I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
