I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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