I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
