I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
