Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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