I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
