So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
