Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
