Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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