Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
