woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
