There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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