I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
