every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
