Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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