She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
