i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
