don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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