wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
