There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
