That's when you crack a 10am beer
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
