Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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