your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
