Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
