Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
