using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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