I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
