this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
