I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
