Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i think i just lost a toe
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
