Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
