omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
