I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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