I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
