I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
