You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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