Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
