The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
