make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
