why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Is it penis luge time yet?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
