I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
