I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
