So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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