Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
