the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
